I am having Christmas panic attacks. Not the usual how-are-we-going-to-be-able-to-afford-presents panic attacks. Those have become as commonplace a tradition as putting up the Christmas tree. My kids are getting to the age that I am sure that any minute now they will start to question Santa and all his "magic". Well, they have already started to question it but in a horrible way. Jillian actually said yesterday "you guys would NEVER lie to us so we know Santa is real". Aaaahhhh! I have had guilt about this for years now. I know that it is all about the wonder of Christmas and all that fun stuff but I have felt like it really is a big, fat lie. I am someone that is just about incapable of lying and hate every second of it when I have to, as we are all forced to do sometime or another in our lifetime. If I have it well rehearsed and planned out I can sometimes pull it off, but if I have to lie on the fly, I suck at it. It really is a blessing and a curse. Now, I feel like this lie is biting me in the ass. They have cousins that tried to tell them years ago about Santa when they were too young for me to ruin it for them, so I am freaking out that now they will resent me for the rest of their lives for tricking them for all these years.
I realize that I am probably overreacting to this. We all went through the realizations of Christmas and not too many of us are scarred for life about it. After the comment Jillian made yesterday we actually went online to look up any suggestions from other parents about how to deal with this as many parents go through the same thing and all of them have kids that someday have to figure it all out. We found a couple of good suggestions. The best one said to tell your kids that Santa WAS a real person many, many years ago. This is true. This "Nick" guy we learn about was someone that used to leave presents for the sick and needy and later was named a saint. They suggested that we tell them that since that wonderful man has long since left this world that parents now carry on his legacy and spirit by carrying on the tradition he started. I just still feel like they are going to feel betrayed when they find out that there is no "magic" and no one comes down the chimney (even though we have never had one) and trades off presents for cookies and milk. Oh yeah, that was the other thing she said. "you guys would NEVER eat the cookies and the carrots we leave out!" Again, aaaahhhhh! How did this happen? What am I supposed to do? They have heard from other kids that they don't believe in Santa but they are not buying it one bit since their parents would never lie to them so it must be true. Kacie is now ten and Jillian is eight so I feel like it is an ok time for them to find out. I don't want my kids to be the ones that are made fun of because they are too childish. I know that I have problems about worrying too much. I just wish they would either just figure it out on their own or listen when someone tells them (like they already have) and not ask me "Mom, is Santa REALLY real?" so I don't have to be the one to tell them and see their disappointed little faces. I think I may set some red flags off when they open their stockings (always filled by Santa) and realize that most of it has come from Walgreens, a store that they are very familiar with the products we sell. I think Christmas morning would be the worst time for them to find out but it may be unavoidable. I will be so relieved when it is over. Not Christmas, but the stress of wondering how they will find out. If anyone has any suggestions other than what I have seen, it would be greatly appreciated. Even stories of how you found out and how you are NOT scarred for life about it or hate your parents for making you feel like a fool, that would make me feel better. I think. Maybe. AAAHHHHH!!
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
Get it together people!
I am frustrated. I have had three different nurses come to change my bandages after my surgery last week. I have been in so much pain that it feels like I am never going to heal. Now I have an idea as to why it hurts so much. The nurse that has come most of the time always leaves me in more pain than before she came. The actual changing of the bandages is not too painful so I didn't understand why. Now I know that she just wasn't doing a very good job and was taping the bandages too tight so that when I sat down, they pressed on the packing and the wound. The nurse that has come for the past two days has made me feel so much better and in much less pain.
I know that with every job there are some people that are just better at their jobs. I get it. It is just frustrating that this happens with people that are in a field that takes care of people and their health. In the hospital, I saw a three different nurses. Two were amazing and sweet and made me feel well taken care of. One was a total douche and hurt me so bad when she took my iv out because she was so rough. How can there be doctors and dentists and nurses that are not good at their jobs? I know that I am being naive about this but it still seems wrong. If one is going to choose a job that puts people's lives and care in their hands, then do it well! Not to minimize my job but if someone leaves my department with the wrong shade of lipstick, it's not the end of the world and they will not suffer painful consequences for it. I do take my job seriously but I know that the burden of the health care field is heavier than mine. I am just having a hard time with the fact that some of the pain I have been in is because the person I am trusting to take good care of me is not doing their job the best they can. Phew, I needed to vent! Time for more meds!
I know that with every job there are some people that are just better at their jobs. I get it. It is just frustrating that this happens with people that are in a field that takes care of people and their health. In the hospital, I saw a three different nurses. Two were amazing and sweet and made me feel well taken care of. One was a total douche and hurt me so bad when she took my iv out because she was so rough. How can there be doctors and dentists and nurses that are not good at their jobs? I know that I am being naive about this but it still seems wrong. If one is going to choose a job that puts people's lives and care in their hands, then do it well! Not to minimize my job but if someone leaves my department with the wrong shade of lipstick, it's not the end of the world and they will not suffer painful consequences for it. I do take my job seriously but I know that the burden of the health care field is heavier than mine. I am just having a hard time with the fact that some of the pain I have been in is because the person I am trusting to take good care of me is not doing their job the best they can. Phew, I needed to vent! Time for more meds!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Turning into a pumpkin before your very eyes
This is probably the shortest and least coherent blog I will ever write. I am going into surgery #8 in seven or so hours. I will be short because of two things. One, my time of cut off is inching closer. I only have six more minutes until Ican't eat or drink anything and I have no intention on being up for any of that. It will be incoherent because the insurance policy I used to make sure I wasn't awake (ambien) has punched me in the face and I feel a little drunk off of it.
I have no intention on any sort of a creepy last anything. No friggin way. I will not reflect on my life in any way except to say that I love my life. I just wanted to let everyone know that I am freaking out. Like, a lot. I have had mini panic attacks all day (or week for that matter) about tiny details of the day. It has been torture. I know I will be fine. I know this. I know that I will be in a lot of pain and I have to accept that. I just can't believe that I have to get up in a matter of (short) hours and soon after that someone is going to cut me open. again. I will be fine. I look at it like this: I only have a few more hours to worry about it. Its almost over. I would love thoughts and, if you choose, prayers. Thats all I can ask for.
I hope I didn't rattle on too long and stupidly. It's what I needed to do. I feel a tiny bit better. I hope you do too. Thanks for reading. It means you care. Does it get any better than that?
I have no intention on any sort of a creepy last anything. No friggin way. I will not reflect on my life in any way except to say that I love my life. I just wanted to let everyone know that I am freaking out. Like, a lot. I have had mini panic attacks all day (or week for that matter) about tiny details of the day. It has been torture. I know I will be fine. I know this. I know that I will be in a lot of pain and I have to accept that. I just can't believe that I have to get up in a matter of (short) hours and soon after that someone is going to cut me open. again. I will be fine. I look at it like this: I only have a few more hours to worry about it. Its almost over. I would love thoughts and, if you choose, prayers. Thats all I can ask for.
I hope I didn't rattle on too long and stupidly. It's what I needed to do. I feel a tiny bit better. I hope you do too. Thanks for reading. It means you care. Does it get any better than that?
Monday, September 8, 2008
57
My friend Katie recently did a blog that I am going to copy. Like a cat. Her favorite number is 57 so when she hit her 57th blog she decided to do a "57 things about me" blog. It was so funny that I decided to do one too. In her honor and for the love of the number 57, I am going to tell you 57 things about me too and hope mine are as entertaining as hers was. I think every blogger should do the same. Here goes nothing.
1. Annie (as in lil orphan) was my hero as a kid.
2. I once broke the kitchen light while I was dancing naked in my room above it when I was a kid.
3. I am afraid of EVERYTHING including, but not limited to, heights, all things that fly, the dark, dangerous machinery, ladders and anything bad that may happen to my kids or Cyn.
4. Sometimes I feel like there are not enough meds in the world to cure my crazy.
5. I worry everyday that I will pass my worrying on to my kids. Hence, crazy.
6. Tap dancing was and always will be my happy place.
7. I don't know if I will ever be a homeowner.
8. I kind of like the cheezy music we have on the overhead at work that everyone complains about.
9. I get lost driving home. (not really but you get the picture!)
10. I wish I were more creative.
11. I LOVE having Mondays off! Now only rainy days get me down.
12. My biggest talent is to memorize songs with supersonic speed. Useless unless I become a rockstar someday which is unlikely.
13. I do an amazing impression of Roz from Monsters Inc.
14. I wish my boobs were smaller.
15. I used to think that the Indigo Girls were a couple and had to see them soon because they were going to break up any minute.
16. I HATE that my house is so messy all the time. You would think that would make me clean it but here I sit, blogging.
17. Sometimes I lose weight without even trying.
18. I think spending money on laundry is a waste. Hence, messy house.
19. I worry I won't live up to the expectations they have for me at work.
20. I live for naps.
21. My favorite part of facebook is reading other people's status updates.
22. Sometimes I go through Guitar Hero withdrawals.
23. I hate the way glasses and non-coated paper plates feel. They give me the skeeves.
24. I want to own a small pick-up truck someday.
25. I wish I set off people's gaydar once in a while.
26. I have no idea how it happened, but I was in the Kenny Rogers' fan club when I was seven.
27. Music has always been my escape from the yucks.
28. If I could live off of coffee and nicotine I would. For days.
29. Technology is passing me by and I am slowly becoming the old lady that can't run the remote.
30. I love the smell of febreze.
31. I don't collect anything except junk.
32. As lonely as we both were, I am glad that my sister and I grew up apart because I don't know if we would be as close as we are now and that would be worse than being lonely.
33. My favorite number is two.
34. I don't know how it happened but my kids think the word crap is a swear. I say it all the time.
35. Concerts are my favorite thing to do of all time.
36. I miss playing games with my friends.
37. I am a very picky eater.
38. I miss the days of developing film when I had pictures in hand everytime.
38. I have had seven surgeries. I am about to have number eight. I am 34.
39. I always thought working with kids was what I wanted to do forever but I am so far enjoying retail much more.
40. I cringe everytime I hear people talk about being bipolar as the ultimate in crazy.
41. I am bipolar.
42. I put my family and friends through hell when I was first diagnosed and I will never get over that guilt.
43. I would rather text than call. This from the person that would spend up to 7-8 hours a day on the phone when I was a teenager.
44. I love Disney even though I have heard that Walt was a homophobe.
45. I always wanted a nick-name when I was a kid.
46. I wish I could keep my kids under my wing forever. I am sane enough to know that I can't.
47. I hate being cold more than almost anything else in the whole world.
48. Even though winter makes me miserable, I have no intention of ever moving out of New Hampshire.
49. My kids' Easter baskets are still in my living room.
50. I am proud to be part of a sorority. The thought that it has died out can almost bring tears to my eyes every time.
51. I almost never cry.
52. When I was a kid, I would imagine my biological parents were superheroes or rockstars.
53. I wonder if I will ever catch a break.
54. I really don't care what most people think about me.
55. I am fully aware that lots of people think I am a bitch a lot of the time.
56. I love to cross stitch Christmas stockings for my family even though I mess up a lot.
57. This blog took me all morning to write.
1. Annie (as in lil orphan) was my hero as a kid.
2. I once broke the kitchen light while I was dancing naked in my room above it when I was a kid.
3. I am afraid of EVERYTHING including, but not limited to, heights, all things that fly, the dark, dangerous machinery, ladders and anything bad that may happen to my kids or Cyn.
4. Sometimes I feel like there are not enough meds in the world to cure my crazy.
5. I worry everyday that I will pass my worrying on to my kids. Hence, crazy.
6. Tap dancing was and always will be my happy place.
7. I don't know if I will ever be a homeowner.
8. I kind of like the cheezy music we have on the overhead at work that everyone complains about.
9. I get lost driving home. (not really but you get the picture!)
10. I wish I were more creative.
11. I LOVE having Mondays off! Now only rainy days get me down.
12. My biggest talent is to memorize songs with supersonic speed. Useless unless I become a rockstar someday which is unlikely.
13. I do an amazing impression of Roz from Monsters Inc.
14. I wish my boobs were smaller.
15. I used to think that the Indigo Girls were a couple and had to see them soon because they were going to break up any minute.
16. I HATE that my house is so messy all the time. You would think that would make me clean it but here I sit, blogging.
17. Sometimes I lose weight without even trying.
18. I think spending money on laundry is a waste. Hence, messy house.
19. I worry I won't live up to the expectations they have for me at work.
20. I live for naps.
21. My favorite part of facebook is reading other people's status updates.
22. Sometimes I go through Guitar Hero withdrawals.
23. I hate the way glasses and non-coated paper plates feel. They give me the skeeves.
24. I want to own a small pick-up truck someday.
25. I wish I set off people's gaydar once in a while.
26. I have no idea how it happened, but I was in the Kenny Rogers' fan club when I was seven.
27. Music has always been my escape from the yucks.
28. If I could live off of coffee and nicotine I would. For days.
29. Technology is passing me by and I am slowly becoming the old lady that can't run the remote.
30. I love the smell of febreze.
31. I don't collect anything except junk.
32. As lonely as we both were, I am glad that my sister and I grew up apart because I don't know if we would be as close as we are now and that would be worse than being lonely.
33. My favorite number is two.
34. I don't know how it happened but my kids think the word crap is a swear. I say it all the time.
35. Concerts are my favorite thing to do of all time.
36. I miss playing games with my friends.
37. I am a very picky eater.
38. I miss the days of developing film when I had pictures in hand everytime.
38. I have had seven surgeries. I am about to have number eight. I am 34.
39. I always thought working with kids was what I wanted to do forever but I am so far enjoying retail much more.
40. I cringe everytime I hear people talk about being bipolar as the ultimate in crazy.
41. I am bipolar.
42. I put my family and friends through hell when I was first diagnosed and I will never get over that guilt.
43. I would rather text than call. This from the person that would spend up to 7-8 hours a day on the phone when I was a teenager.
44. I love Disney even though I have heard that Walt was a homophobe.
45. I always wanted a nick-name when I was a kid.
46. I wish I could keep my kids under my wing forever. I am sane enough to know that I can't.
47. I hate being cold more than almost anything else in the whole world.
48. Even though winter makes me miserable, I have no intention of ever moving out of New Hampshire.
49. My kids' Easter baskets are still in my living room.
50. I am proud to be part of a sorority. The thought that it has died out can almost bring tears to my eyes every time.
51. I almost never cry.
52. When I was a kid, I would imagine my biological parents were superheroes or rockstars.
53. I wonder if I will ever catch a break.
54. I really don't care what most people think about me.
55. I am fully aware that lots of people think I am a bitch a lot of the time.
56. I love to cross stitch Christmas stockings for my family even though I mess up a lot.
57. This blog took me all morning to write.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Hooray for crocs!
I have always loved my crocs. They are my favorite shoes ever. Since I have started in my new job the only complaint I have had is that my feet hurt SO BAD. I keep thinking that I just need to get used to being on my feet for 8-9 hours but it's been a month and no better. I just found out yesterday that I can wear my crocs and it made all the difference in the world. I know many people think they are ugly, and maybe they are. But, come on people! I had been wearing my favorite pair of doc martin's but they pale in comparison. Now, thanks to my crocs, I can get through my day, work many days in a row without dread and love my docs again. If you are thinking about skimping on price, don't. Get the real things. It's worth it. Your feet will thank me.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
My Next Adventure
Retail is going to be an adventure for me. The Walgreen's I work at just opened up on Friday and I have already witnessed my first CRAZY customer. We are trained to ask every customer if we can help them in any way when we see them. When I am out of my department (cosmetics, bitches!) I usually just say hello because I know that someone has probably already done this and there is no need to be redundant. My area, however is my area. So a woman walks in and, of course, I greet her and ask her if there is anything I can help her find. She bites my head off in an I-just-smoked-a-carton-of-butts voice and says "no, if there was I would ask you!". She continues with her rant to her husband/boyfriend/companion who was mortified. She continued to have a fit the whole time she shopped and told the woman at the front that Walgreen's doesn't support the military and that she would never be back. I am sure we will be seeing her soon enough. I hope we don't but I know that if it's not her, it will be someone else. So far, I am really enjoying my job. The last two weeks have been a lot of hard work to set up the store but I really think I am going to like it. I deserve a job that is good for me! It has been too long since I have had a job I like so I figure even crazy people are not going to bring me down. I have a great boss, interesting co-workers and full time hours. It just has to be good goddammit! So next time you visit the Green (what I am calling it so I don't keep saying wal mart!), remember, we are just trying to be friendly and do our job. A simple "no" will work if you would just like to browse. No need to flip out on the help!
First Day of School
This is a picture of the kids from their first day of school. Sorry I have been so slacking on this blog. I have been working like a maniac and too tired to think of anything clever to write about. I love my new job but I am having a hard time getting used to working 40+ hours so bear with me! Maybe I will think of something fun later today but for now I wanted to get this picture up for all to see. Check out Kacie's red chucks. She is so hip!
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