Here goes nothin'!

After much thought and deliberation, I have decided to start off on a serious note. I am not an entirely serious person, you see, so don't think that this tone will be followed with more like it. I am generally lighthearted and, some would say (I hope!) fun. Alas, this is the most pressing subject on my brain to date so I feel like it's the place to start. Y'all ready for this?

Most that know me know that I was adopted and grew up with a "brother" that was also adopted. More on the quotations later. He is three years younger then I am and we are not blood related in any way. Adopted kids grow up on the mantra that "it doesn't matter, it takes all different ways to make a family!". I never fell into that thought process. If you knew him, you would understand why I put quotations around the word brother. He is not my brother in any form except legally to me and he was the one that put himself there. I won't bore you with the "one time he..." "and then there was the time he...". Just know that he did bad stuff to everyone he comes into contact with. He's that guy. Bad stuff to me as a kid, adult and parent when he did bad stuff to one of my kids. That's all I will say about that. (ok, forrest gump, anyone?)

He is, yet again, out of jail. And moved back in with my parents. Into the room that was, until now, my kids room. All is well at their happy home. They get their boy back (again) from federal prison this time where the really big bad wolves live, safe and sound. My kids now cannot visit their grandparents or great grandmother because he has proven many times that he can not be trusted around the kids. What kind of a mother puts her kids in harm's way so she can get an afternoon off? I know you may be thinking "they should still be able to see their grandparents!" I agree. The problem here is that my parents have been so wrapped up in him that all of their time is spent on meeting his needs and life is "just so crazy right now". I guess taking the kids for an ice cream is very time consuming. Maybe they don't fully trust him and his high fashion house arrest anklet to be home alone. Who knows. All I know is that my kids are getting the shaft and I can't help but wonder if it is some kind of twisted punishment sent my way. I could go on for hours about this and I have another point to get to so I will just leave it at "I'm pissed" and move on.

This gem of a sibling I have has been in every detention center facility there is. He has done group homes, juvvie, county jail, state prison, and now fed with a few halfway houses here and there. Am I missing any because I think he has all of his bases covered. This all started when he was 16 (with the law) and he is now thirty one years old. Lots of accomplishments. My parents are at a crossroads right now. My mother has just about had it. Still in the "just about" stage but her fuse keeps going lower. My father on the other hand, still thinks that my brother has been wronged and none of it is his fault and it is his job as father to make sure he has all he needs to attempt success once again.

I am a parent. I get the idea of how horrific it would be to lose a child so how could you write yours off as if they were dead. This, I never expect. It will never happen. When does one run out of chances????? I mean, come on! There has to come a time when the right thing to do as a parent is to say "we have done all we can for you and we don't feel like we are helping you. It's time to go it on your own." Not even an "I hate you !" Just maybe a move out date or job deadline or, I don't know, CONSEQUENCES?!? How many times can one hear "I'm gonna be better" until they start to think, even in the tiniest of voices, "yeah, right". I just don't get it.

I see this as being an ongoing saga in my life that may carry onto blog. I know that some people will read it but maybe not tons. The title is confessions of... so if you like to be nosy, you might enjoy my own personal journal about this. I give my permission. I have no problems with friends or strangers crawling into that part of my brain. I'm a talker. I guess no matter who is listening.